Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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