Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
