after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
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When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
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i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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