The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
