2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize