We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
