She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
