we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
