also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
