You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
