I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
