okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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