things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
