I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
