I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
