Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
