she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
