saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
