i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
