Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
