ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
did i walk over a car last night?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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