i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
