she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
