What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
