Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
