girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
