Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
