Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
