I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
