Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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