No awkward lesbian experiences without me
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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