I think my vagina is haunted
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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