at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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