Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
