I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
