sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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