It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
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He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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