i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
