and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
