No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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