I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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