my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he's gonorrhea incarnate
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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