there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
