you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
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It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
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This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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