so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.