Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
