But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
