I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
