I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
