I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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