You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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