Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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