kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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