We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
