i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
