U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
