that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.