apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
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Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
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You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.