one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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