the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
