If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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