dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
