Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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