is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
