We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
