giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
tell me about the fingering
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