his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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