Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
